Believe

 Believing, is an inward act that we as individuals must push outwards  in our daily lives...I am a perfect example of that!  I believe in myself, the journey of life, my family, my friends, my Phi Mu sisters and God, but for far too long those have been internal things.  I needed an opportunity to lay it on the line so here it is:  

My Bucket List:  


1)   Write a book
2 )  Stand in more than one place at once
3)   Jump out of a perfectly good air plane
4)   Love again <3 
5)   Become a mother
6)   Scuba dive
7)   Get a masters degree 
8)   Make someones life better
9)   Read the Bible 
10)  Travel to Italy


To Be Continued.....

Leaps & Bounds

  A day can be life changing, but can you imagine what changes us in the span of several months?  The initial purpose of this blog was to help me heal after facing a couple personal challenges I experienced earlier this year.  My blog became a safe, therapeutic and creative haven for me during a time when I needed it more than anything, almost more than I needed anyone.  Supportive people are wonderful, but growth accomplished from within is invaluable.   That is exactly what this blog has been....invaluable!  However, it goes without saying there have been bumps within my blogging as well as my life in this time as I have been facing some of these challenges and growing.  One of the bumps I experienced somehow turned into a pot hole and pulled me away from my blog for far longer than I had intended!


Don't let a bump in the road of life turn into a sink hole!

Forgetting Fun

    Fun, I can't even begin to think about a time in the last couples weeks and maybe even months I've used that adjective to describe my life.  I'm certainly not proud to admit that to anyone much less the entire cyber community, but its the truth.  I was reminded that I had let the fun out of my life by an old friend from college when they were describing an event they went to and my reply simply was..." I can't remember the last time I had fun."   It is mortifying to think I've let everything take away from the fun and zest in life.  Prior, to the last two months my life was full of fun...I had everything I thought I wanted and it was all leading to the happily ever after I dreamed of since I was a young girl. 
   However, fun left when things changed and I had almost no real friends close by to return to the wonderful things I used to do before.  Fun left when I had my heart broken and certainly when I realised I was stuck in my parents house within a soccer mom filled suburb of North Carolina.  Fun also left when I came to the harsh reality of the truth that is my job and everyday I have to go to the place where I work with people who have been victims of abuse, are criminals and full of complex history. 
  I don't want to lose the fun and zest in life.  If nothing else, I need to make up for the days I've gone without fun in one way or another.  The clock can't be turned back and this time will not given back to me to be lived differently. So, I think it is only fair to myself that I plan to live the days going forward differently. Perhaps, I will spend more time giving back to my community or participating in rewarding service experiences.  I would love to work with the TOMS organization or even the TWOLA organization.  If you aren't familiar with either of these I highly suggest you take the time to research them and learn about the wonderful mission each of them have.

Nothing beats a wonderful picture of TOMS! These aren't mine, but they might be my very next purchase!!!

Making Plans

 The value of having a plan or even a back up plan is something I feel we as a society have started to underestimate.  For the last decade, we have transformed into this instant gratification society...We want it now and have to have it now.  However, life doesn't work like that.  Our dreams of a rewarding and successful job don't just become a reality because we desire them and goodness knows we don't all become rich in the blink of an eye because we want to be better off financially. All of these things take time and planning.
   So, I believe its time we all start building the road map to our journeys.  I am guilty of believing that in am instant things should change, but tribuation has taught me a valuable lesson!  I've known for months the job market was tough and it was quite a process to land the challenging part-time position I currently hold, but I had no idea the struggles I would face in finding a career to take myself to the next level.  In retrospect, I should have planned as though nobody was in my life (I was in a serious relationship and I made too many choices based off of us), I should have not settled so easily the first time and I should have taken a risk when it was presented to me.  There are a lot of I should have's, but they are the past and I can't change any of them!  However, we can all learn from the "I should have" times in our lives and for me that is the value of creating a back up plan.  This experience taught me to take my interests in Recreational Therapy and start to branch out...search for similar jobs with different titles, research additional certifications and even look into potential graduate degrees.
  Even the best laid plans fail from time to time and hey, its part of life so take the time to make a back up plan.  I know we never want to fathom that we will need it, but it is far easier to take the time to develop that back up plan before you need it instead of when you in need of it now!  

The Women I Want To Be

 In adversity or points of struggle within our lives I often find that it reveals the characteristics we wish we possessed, the goals we want to accomplish, how we perceive ourselves and the better we seek for our lives.  This time of adversity in my life has proved no different.  Over the past month, I have realised there are certain characteristics I wish I had and I've had a much clearer view of the women I want to be.   With that said.... The women I want to be is:  Confident, Strong, Independent, Beautiful, Respected, Loved, Ambitious, Caring, Peaceful and Daring.

 Who do you want to be because of the adversity you've faced and the life lessons you learned from the experience?  I challenge you to define who you want to be!  Discovering yourself through life experiences is often painful, but a wonderful journey into becoming the true you.

Love Will Come Again...

  I waited 22 years to find love.  Today, I am humbled to think about how lucky I was to have not only found love, but also to have come to the realization that I am deserving to be treated great by the next man that comes into my life, just as I was treated great by Brian.  Brian is a wonderful person, but unfortunately life had different plans for both of us and our love didn't get through the tribulations of the Navy. I will love again someday, but now I am focused on finding a future of my own that I am personally deserving of.

Everyday, I hear the horrible stories of women who have been emotionally, mentally, psychically and sexually abused.  Their stories often go untold until years later and even then it maybe too late for a lot of them to change. It is hard for them to know they deserved more when they had nobody to tell them that or teach them otherwise. The chilling part is some of these women are okay with not getting what they deserve and they have become almost immune to the harsh injustices that have been part of their lives.  Not coming to the realization of what one deserves in love or anything in life can make life like a constant avalanche of trouble. If we let one person get away with treating us poorly than another is likely to do the same.  Even worse, if we don't hold people accountable who hurt us than those people start to believe it is okay to act in a way that is hurtful to others, because who tells them otherwise.

 So, set expectations and enforce accountability because when we challenge another to up hold the standard of how we deserve to be treated in life as well as love then they either meet our standards or its time to remove them from your life! 







"EVEN ON MY WEAKEST DAY I GET A LITTLE BIT STRONGER"

The Value Of Challenges

  Challenge appears in our lives when we are often already feeling as though we have beaten down by life. Challenges have the potential to break us or build us up. This past week, I felt just that...broken.  I took a couple days off from my blog to re-group my thoughts, but to also cope with some of the challenges I have been facing.  There has been a couple challenges in my life lately and one of the largest has been my efforts to find a new job because of how unhappy my current job is making me.  There is no denying I'm not the only person facing similar struggles when it comes to my situation with my job.  In fact, I know I should be very lucky to even have my part time job compared to a lot of people's situations.  However, its hard to always feel that way.  This week I've had two job interviews for the same job, filed out 20 some odd pages of paper work for a potential job opportunity and managed to still survive in the psych. unit at work.  The challenge to over come my frustrations with the application process as well as my job has become very trying, but that's what challenges are for anyone...trying experiences. I've cried countless hours over all of these challenges, but the tears ultimatly were my acceptance of these challenges and struggles knowing that were life experiences.   After a little time for reflection I've had a chance to really see how my current challenges are ultimately building me up to become the women I want to be.

 Sometimes its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to putting challenges into perspective and I have to be honest that I am not sure where the light will come for me in regards to my job situation or even my journey to find love again, but I have faith that it will come.  The wonderful thing about challenges is that they help us push ourselves just a little bit further and harder than we thought we could push ourselves. So don't let a challenge become a mountain that breaks you and instead use the challenge as a chance to build yourself up! 



 "You never know how strong you are until being STRONG is the only choice you have"



The Power of Asking

  Today, I learned a very large lesson from a very unlikely group of children...my patients!  Every single one of them walked into group today with there head down and several of them even asked for time to journal (usually, the kids hate journaling more than what brought them to where I work).  I knew something was out of balance, but I couldn't figure out just what.  The thing about kids in the type of setting I work in is that they often don't speak up and "Ask" for something because of harsh life experiences.   Today, I made each one of the children in my group write on a piece of paper compliments for one an another to help with their self-esteem.  At the end of the group I asked who felt differently from when they entered the room,  the entire group raised their hands...even the toughest of my teenaged boys!  When I asked why they felt this way one of my little girls replied I needed to hear something good about myself.  I used this opportunity to teach the importance of asking for what we need!

As humans, its natural to have weak moments we need help with and it is okay to ask!  Asking for help with problems or for support can save or change our lives.  Don't be afraid to ask for something because more than likely people are willing to give it just as the children in my group gave that little girl "good" things to hear about herself!  Yes, it can be scary to show weakness and become vulnerable when we do ask for things, but doesn't the potential of getting what we need inspire you to take the risk?  Challenge yourself to honestly go forward and the next time you feel like you need support, advice or help, ask for it!

Change

   The word "Change" is something that for some is like music to their ears and yet for others it is one of the scariest terms imaginable.  Change is legitimately a very loaded word that produces a multitude of emotions and reactions. Change can be brought on by us individually or unwillingly placed upon us.   Lately, my life has had a lot of change so I thought it appropriate to pay tribute to what change can do and how even negative change can be turned into positive change.

Several weeks ago my life was changed by someone else.  I didn't have a say in this change and as a matter a fact, it was horrible!  The man I loved decided it was time for him to change and break up with me.  Yes, in retrospect that change turned out to be wonderful (though I miss him).  The change someone placed in my life allowed me to start making positive changes for me.   The first change I made was this blog, it was something I had long been wanting to start and check off my bucket list....I wanted to change my thinking about life and how short it is. I believe there is no time like the present to do what you wish to accomplish!  Secondly, I am starting to change what is making me unhappy in my life and that is my job!  I actively started to job search and apply to jobs that I would consider my "dream job" for the simple realization I am deserving of a rewarding career as well as a positive work environment.  This second change has the potential to lead to a multitude of changes in my near future, though some are scary I am very excited for this change.  I am making positive changes out of a negative change that was placed in my life.

Changes can often be out of our control and I realise that.  No one person says yes I would like to change my life and be diagnosed with a life threatening disease or be laid off from my job, but those changes do happen.  In those instances we are faced with negative changes. I believe it is how we react to those changes that makes the difference in our lives.  I am not denying we all aren't human and allowed a poor reaction.  In fact I believe reactions are natural and normal but its after we cope with them and are able to react, that is important.

Change will walk into all of our lives in welcome and unwelcome ways.  How will you react to the change in your life?  Will change your life for the best or allow a negative change to break the wonderful person you are?  It is my hope we can all use change to build ourselves up in this crazy adventure called life!